Portrait: Deya
My name is Deya. My stroke story starts when I was 28-year-old Dispensing Optician and Practice Manager at an independent opticians in Leicester. I remember sitting and having a really bad headache, one like I've never had before.
Where Deya’s story starts
I thought it was because I didn't have enough breakfast but when I looked in the mirror, I noticed a slight droop on the left side of my mouth.
I brushed it off and thought nothing of it, and I immediately said to myself "I'm too young to have a stroke."
I was looking after a patient who was collecting her spectacles but whenever I tried to pick up the spectacles, they dropped out of my hand. Then I noticed a slight slur in my speech and felt the need to call the office which, luckily for me, was only around the corner. The general manager came and immediately called the ambulance. I still remember thinking; there's nothing wrong with me.
My time in hospital and rehabilitation
I was taken to the Leicester Royal where it was confirmed I had a considerable brain bleed which caused the stroke. I was then transferred to QMC (Queen's Medical Centre) where they were considering operating but because my memory, speech and emotions were fine, they decided not to operate. I was transferred after a few days to the Leicester General Young Disability unit where I spent three months in rehabilitation. I gradually progressed from being bedridden, to using a wheelchair, to walking with a tripod.
Grieving the previous version of myself
I was left with weakness in both my left foot and hand, making movements very minimal. Before my stroke, I was generally a confident person who loved wearing heels and dancing.
When I couldn't do what I loved anymore, the reality of it hit me hard.
Although it was very upsetting, I brushed it off by saying, “At least I've been given a second chance at life”.
Moving forward with my life with the support of others
After three years I fell pregnant with my first son. The daunting feeling of ‘How am I going to look after a child with one working arm?’ was scary, but to a lot of people's surprise, I carried on. The care at the hospital was absolutely amazing. There are times when people would feel pity on me, but that made me more determined to get better. I wanted to carry on with my life as normal as much as I could even though it was not easy.
After another three years I fell pregnant with my second son, Darien. I was always happy to have a boy or a girl but secretly, I was wishing for boys, only because I knew it would break my heart not being able to do my girl’s hair which would require two hands.. Although I felt selfish for thinking I just wanted sons, when reality sinks in as to what can be done, you have to pray for the best.
I would recommend counseling to others
Now twelve years on after the stroke and living with my two kids, driving, looking after the house, family and like any other housewife, I’m content but also have my bad days of emotional pain. I received help via counseling and it was the best thing I ever did.
Counseling made me realize I was still grieving a part of me that I had lost after the stroke, such as my self-confidence, wearing heels, dancing and general day-to-day activities.
To anyone who's suffered from a stroke or any other disability, I’d recommend counseling or speaking to someone in a similar boat as you. I found it helpful to open up, understand my own pain better and get the support to move forward with my life.
‘It’s okay to ask for help’
Even though I’ve still not fully got over what happened, and I still put on a brave face, I’ve learnt to embrace and appreciate the things I am able to do. It's OK to ask for help.
I still avoid things I know are out of my limits, and it’s hard not to compare to how it was in a past life, but it’s about managing what you’re capable of doing.
If you have had a stroke or are struggling with anything, accept any help that’s offered. It could feel like the end of the world, but with the right support and people to talk to, you can get through it. I wouldn't be in the position I am in if it wasn't for the amazing support I have in my life.