Portrait: David C

A little bit about David 

Many years of keen cycling concluded with a serious accident and Traumatic Brain Injury, August 2018. The yellow body shaped outline drawn on the road by the Police symbolises the death of my old life. I had been a teacher and enjoyed non-stop employment in senior education roles for over 30 years. Unprepared, I went from enjoying a responsible job, to months in hospital and years of recovery.  

 

On fatigue 

I’m told… my brain injury fatigue may improve over time, but no more can be done.

Fatigue, lack of cognitive reserve, call it what you like. I need strategies that include rest periods. Awake time is precious.

Punctuating life with recharge points is often antisocial. 

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

On memory 

I’m told… my brain ability to manage working/short term memory is damaged.

If interrupted, I often can’t remember what I have just said. I can’t find the right words when tired, even when my meaning is clear - to me at least.

Forgetting names. Repetition. Pregnant pauses…

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

On sensory overload 

I’m told… my brain struggles with simultaneous sensory stimulation.

Multiple conversations are problematic. I can’t always keep up and communicate. 1-1, 1 at a time, or even 1-many, is OK when recharged. 2-1, or many to 1, is unmanageable for this 1. 

The need to escape large group chat is antisocial. 

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

On executive function 

I’m told… my brain injury affects executive, high-level function.

Apparently, I’m a success story considering the damage. What I am still able to achieve in this context is good. I should be pleased with this but… I can’t do what I did and what is expected by others or self.

This may be perceived as lazy. Avoidance can be antisocial.

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

On emotional lability 

I’m told… my brain injury promotes emotional lability.

I can go from tears to laughter in an instant. This is embarrassing. As I strive to control my emotions in public, it may seem like I’m disconnected and deliberately trying to not join in. 

Lack of shared whole group response and involvement is antisocial.

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

On identity 

Where do I fit? My brain injury has changed my shape.

Do not be offended when I try things that might better fit my new shape. I can’t apply revised self-awareness faultlessly in the diversity of life contexts. It’s frustrating and sad when you don’t fit where you were once happy and glad, with people you care about. 

Separation, personality change, and avoidance can be antisocial. 

I must reframe this difficulty as opportunity. I can’t ignore my issues. I can reset my responses.

 

Reflection for resilience. 

I may never fully recover from the accident. Brain morbidity, Epilepsy, Diabetes Insipidus, hearing, sight, and mental health issues.

BUT...

I may not get better, but I can learn to live better. New... life, starts, opportunities, realities, and hopes.

I’m enormously blessed by a loving family and faith relationships. Now a granddad courtesy of my eldest daughter. Beautiful new life. 

I’m told that in the hospital, another loving daughter, hoped I’d still remember them when/if I awoke from the coma. I am told she had hoped I'd be well enough to leave hospital machines, and be pushed down the church isle, by her, on her wedding day.  We actually managed to walk together and I even said a few words about some childhood events at the reception. 

Perhaps I can be an improved person. More empathetic, caring, and approachable. People now share their own challenges and disabilities with me like never before. Thinking of others has helped me enormously. 

Upon leaving work I received over 70 unbelievably kind letters of appreciation, from head teachers I had worked with when my job was terminated. I’m reminded that it is not always socially acceptable to be so positive without hidden agenda. We tend to say the best about people at their funerals. It’s good to know when you have been valuable, whilst living. We often don’t realise the magnitude of our impact on others, without being told. 

 

Making space for healing and joy 

Reading books and writing regular posts on djchannon.me.uk is a new pleasure. Manageable time for thought with regular pauses to recharge. I'm like an electric car. Fine, before range runs low and anxiety kicks in. Reasons to stay alive, by Mat Haig, was recommended by my GP during a darker period. A helpful story from someone who gets it! 

I've started to love my first pet dog too. Dogs are unbelievably sensitive. Therapy dogs. I’m converted.