Portrait: Nicholas
On March 15th, 2016, I was involved in a single vehicle motorcycle crash. Both my brain and body went through severe trauma. I was wearing full protective gear but was massively concussed with a right-side brain bleed, a sub-dermal hematoma, and a crushed left orbital.
A Gift of Perspective
I always loved riding motorcycles and set a goal to get a new one. I wanted to feel free. At the end of 2015, I was so very excited to get my license and certification after taking the safety courses.
On March 15th, 2016, I was involved in a single vehicle motorcycle crash. Both my brain and body went through severe trauma. I was wearing full protective gear but was massively concussed with a right-side brain bleed, a sub-dermal hematoma, and a crushed left orbital. I underwent multiple surgeries in a level 1 trauma center, including facial reconstructive surgery. I was never in a coma but was not cognizant.
One day when my hands weren’t tied down, I removed the staples from my scalp, pulled the intubation tube, and stood up. I broke the sutures inside my pelvis; they had to do additional surgery to install a plate to allow it to heal. This was an ordeal that I never asked for, but it has given gifts that I never would have seen because of my recovery process.
Healing isn’t a zero-sum game
Overcoming my cognition problems felt like “I awake from madness, just in time”, from one of my favorite lyrics from Lacuna Coil. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t move my left side, why I saw two of everything, or how I could get back to “normal.” The simplest actions became ordeals: retraining my eyes to focus, picking up a toothbrush, slowing down and controlling my thoughts and impulses.
I was in a Trauma Intensive Care Unit for two weeks, then an in-patient acute rehab facility for two weeks, followed by 16 weeks of outpatient therapy. I underwent speech therapy, occupational therapy, and physical therapy with professionals who showed me the help that should be available to all survivors. Where I live, we have facilities like trauma units, acute rehab, and TBI and brain injury care. I was very fortunate when I experienced my injury; my location and insurance circumstances meant that I received excellent care. Many parts of the United States don’t have the right facilities to treat brain injury and trauma, and this needs to change.
Leaving the hospital didn’t completely resolve my difficulties, but every little task was a chance for further rehabilitation. I used to play a lot of tabletop role-playing games before my accident. During my recovery, I still found this helpful for my right-side brain injury; it helped me to focus, multitask and utilize game rules.
Coming back into my chaotic life with large groups of people and multiple conversations was overwhelming. Unfortunately, we can’t grow without challenges, and I would push myself to do things when I wasn’t comfortable. I wasn’t shy before, but now I’m at the front of the pack to be seen. My joy resides not only in serving my fun personal community but also in advocating for other survivors and their health journeys.
Luck is a residue of design
The support I received during my recovery and my ability to pay it forward to other survivors has given me tremendous gifts. I’ve been able to thank the healthcare workers for their efforts, as well as artists and musicians for the inspiration they’ve given me. I can’t take trauma away from anyone, but I can stand with them as an advocate while they face their own recovery and mental health needs. A traumatic brain injury can make your world seem small. I can say proudly that my community is always growing, and I’m happy to be part of a family I never imagined having. This was a community I didn’t initially want to join, but it’s now a family I don’t ever want to leave.
I hate the word “luck", but my family really came together. My girlfriend worked hand-in-hand with my family to become an incredible partnership. So many of my therapists were present when I proposed to my girlfriend in 2016 and at our wedding in 2018, that I was humbled. I worked hard to be part of something bigger; I’m now a peer mentor at a rehabilitation hospital and a peer support with the Trauma Survivor’s Network.
My lived trauma and recovery have allowed me to reach so many others. Going to Capitol Hill to speak to lawmakers about the importance of trauma support, giving speeches at brain injury conferences, speaking to students, and connecting with a band that helped to save me—are all humbling.
Nothing stands in our way.
My advice to others
As a brain injury survivor and active advocate, here are some of my personal quotes that I hope encourage other survivors to keep going:
- This injury and trauma are just a comma; just part of our story. Let us choose how to control the narrative.
- No matter how dark the world can get, there will be help in some of the hardest circumstances. We are not alone, and help is a gift people freely give.
- Time is a double-edged sword. Recovery feels so far away, but the time goes fast. Healing is a marathon not a sprint. Looking at yourself, you feel what isn’t right, but looking behind you helps you see how far you’ve come.
- When we show our vulnerabilities, it will help show others that they are safe. It is courageous and allows us as survivors to be empathetic and walk with them, with compassion, acceptance and forgiveness.